"Life is what happens while you're making plans.."

Monday, 1 November 2010

Sometimes everything falls into the right place at the right time. Sometimes you're in the right place at the right time.

This is one of those things. One of those things that just happens. And you look back and you realise it's because everything happened at the right time. You were in the right place. And you start to think..what if I hadn't been there? What if I hadn't realised? just what if..

Alex is amazing. He's made me the happiest I ever remember being. He's adorable and lovely and he makes me feel so wanted and missed and being told someone misses you is one of the best feelings in the world. Let me tell you a story..it's a story of boy meets girl. a true story.

Alex was told by a friend, my best friend to look at my tumblr, he read it. he read my blogger as well. He doubled my follower count on tumblr, he brought it to 2. We'd met at parties before but neither of us really remember. We start talking and then move to texting and speaking on msn; we don't stop talking, we haven't really stopped talking since we first started..and after all, they say the key to a healthy relationship is communication, right? but anyway, where was i? we were texting and decided to take a trip to the sweet shop near college to grab some sweets and ended up spending the whole week with each other and it ended up with me going into town then over to his a week after we'd first started talking. That same day that I was at Alex's we started dating..that was over a month ago and I genuinely couldn't be happier: he tells me i'm cute and gorgeous and beautiful (i don't believe him but the words still make me feel like i could fly..) he hugs me when i'm cold. he kisses me on the forehead. he tickles me until i squirm and we can talk forever. he makes me feel wanted. he makes me feel safe: i used to have nightmares on a regular basis where i would wake up crying or with mascara all over my duvet but since i've been with alex the number of nightmares has genuinely decreased.

but in that story i missed the most crucial part. the bit that strings it all together. the bit that makes me think i was in the exact right place at the exact right moment: the day i first started to text alex i was in birmingham, at the open day, by myself because neither of my parents were free to come with me. I texted alex all day until my phone died on the train home, he was keeping me company although i'd never properly met him and he was over 100 miles away. I got the train home earlier than i had been planning because in an unknown city there really is little to do by yourself seeing as exploring is so much more fun with someone else. anyway, i got off the train with a completely dead phone and my feet were killing me. I'd got up early that morning to get a train up there in time so i wasn't looking my greatest either. I was stood outside the station waiting for my mum to pick me up and i spotted someone out of the corner of my eye, after quickly double checking i decided that it was definitely alex and went over to speak to him, half expecting him to be like 'who the hell are you?!' but he recognised me and explained that he was waiting to be picked up because he'd missed his last bus home after filming in winchester most of the day. we talked until my mum arrived, i remember him telling me that he knew so much random movie trivia and that he was outraged by the fact that i'd never see lost in translation, one of his all time favourite movies (i've seen it now though and i have to admit, it's a damn good movie) when my mum came to collect me i said bye to him, went home and charged my phone then continued to text him for the rest of the night and as i said before, we still haven't really stopped talking in some form since that day. Alex told me later, once we were together, that he remembers thinking i was better looking in person than on tumblr and facebook etc. when he met me properly for the first time that day...god knows why though, i looked a state that day. so after meeting alex, i went home and had a chinese takeaway with my family that night. i'm the only one who likes the fortune cookies in my family so i got 6: i still have the messages from 5 of the fortune cookies from that night because the first one i opened had a particularly special meaning, it read:
"Someone of the opposite sex that you have just met adores you."
i texted alex telling him what it said and i still have it, stuck on the wall above my bed along with the other 4 i opened, i gave one to alex later in the week because he'd never had one before. from that day, the 11th of September 2010, i have found a love for fortune cookies and their messages.

The 11th of September was a very sunny, warm day. Pathetic fallacy, eat your heart out.

Friday, 3 September 2010

Can You Be Too Nice?

I was at a friend's on Wednesday night and I was told I was always nice, that I was "the nice one". They asked me when the last time i was horrible to anybody was and i couldn't remember. like i genuinely sat and thought and couldn't remember. maybe i'm too nice. maybe i accommodate and accept things too easily. maybe i should stop putting other people's happiness before mine - that's what i was thinking anyway. but then i thought more and i'm not unhappy, not in the slightest. i mean sure, sometimes i don't feel so great about stuff but it's not that bad, i'll get over it eventually. but then there's some things that maybe i should be more open about; that maybe i should start going after and fighting for if that would make me happier. but when i'm happy like i am at the moment, why would i want to change that? and maybe that's why i'm so goddamn nice to everybody, because i don't want anyone to leave me; enough people have left me in the past and i don't want that anymore..it hurts way too much. So yeah, maybe i am nice. maybe i should start fighting for the stuff i want (and i have started doing that to some degree) but maybe. just maybe, i like things to stay just the way they are.

..maybe i'm not the problem in my world. maybe people need to take a leaf out of my book every once in a while and try not to be horrible because i can tell you now, it feels good to not be able to remember the last time you were horrible to someone, to not remember the last time you set out to hurt someone. maybe if nobody could remember then everybody would be happier. maybe. maybe not.

you know when you write something as it comes to you, and post it because that's the truest way of expressing your feelings because they're the least edited they'll ever be. well that's what this is. i'm not trying to be self-righteous and say that i'm always right in what i do, just that i feel safe by being nice to people because how can people be upset or angry at you when all you've been to them is nice?

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

What If?

This film is amazing. If you haven't seen it yet, STOP READING THIS NOW AND GO!! It is though, simultaneously the most confusing film I have seen in a long, long time and I'm probably going to be confused for the rest of my life.

It got me thinking though, what if?

What if we're dreaming? What if this isn't real life? What if we're all living in a paradox? If this is all a dream, who's the dreamer? Are we real or are we just projections of someone's subconscious?

The problem is, nobody really knows the answer to all these questions. We think we know, we think this is real life. But what if it's not? Then what?

I personally don't think this is a dream; I think this is real life. I think this is it. But it's not just that that the film got me thinking about. The whole idea of inception. What if it is actually possible? What if our thoughts aren't actually our ideas but they've been planted deep in our heads by someone else.. What if people have found a way to create ideas in people's heads? Because if that is possible, if people are skilled enough at it they could make anybody in the world do anything they want; and that idea really scares me.

It also got me thinking about The Truman Show, one of my all-time favourite films. What if we're not dreaming as inception could suggest; what if we're all stars of a TV show we don't know about. What if everybody else is in on it and I'm the centre of a television show. Like a practical joke that the entire world knows about..


But for now, go and watch Inception and then come home, watch The Truman Show; and consider..what if?

p.s. Ellen Page, Leonardo DiCaprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tom Hardy, Cillian Murphy, Marion Cotillard, Michael Caine & Tom Berenger make an INSANE cast!!

Monday, 26 July 2010

Oh hey there Milo..

Soo uhmm, Milo Ventimiglia's cool..


Sunday, 25 July 2010

If I'm Brutally Honest..

So, I saw a post on a blog and decided to use the idea myself..

Honestly, right now my mind is in a constant state of confusion.

Honestly, right now I wish this feeling would go away.

Honestly, I'm not as innocent as people seem to think I am. If I really want to I can be jealous, I can be mean, I can be a bitch. But if you ever see any of these sides of me..you should know, you've probably hurt me BAD because I try to use these moods as little as possible. I don't like being angry or hurt, and I don't expect you'd like to see me that way either..

Honestly, I'm not sure where my life's headed.

Honestly, I over think pretty much everything.

Honestly, I love reading and often use it as a way to escape.

Honestly, ditto music & films.

Honestly, I love anything to do with Harry Potter and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Honestly, I wish magic was real every single day of my life.

Honestly, I facebook stalk..but then again, who doesn't?

Honestly, if I'm angry, I might not tell you.

Honestly, if I love you, I might be too scared to tell you.

Honestly, if I need to tell you something or talk to you about something, I'll probably avoid doing so, even if there's a possibility it could be beneficial to me.

Honestly, if I cry over/about/for you, then you should know that you've probably hurt me more than words can describe.

Honestly, if I'm crying, that doesn't mean I hate you, it probably just means that you mean alot to me. I don't really do hate.

Honestly, I probably have too many clothes.

Honestly, I wish I had Chewy/Frankie's photography skills.

Honestly, I'm excited to go on holiday on Friday.

Honestly, I simultaneously don't want to go away for 3 weeks.

Honestly, I don't really know what I think.

Honestly, I love my friends and family.

Honestly, I want to take some photos but have zero inspiration right now.

Honestly, I try to lie as little as possible.

Honestly, you'll probably never meet anyone more accident prone than me.

Honestly, I wish life was simpler.

Honestly, I miss being a child when the hardest thing was trying to colour within the lines.

Honestly, I wish people would tell me if they cared.

Honestly, I wish you cared.

Honestly, I don't know why the hell I'm wasting my time writing this, it's not like anyone's really going to read it.
So, has this week been:
  1. a good week
  2. a bad week
  3. I don't have a feckin' clue.
I'm going to go with 3 for now; because honestly, I really don't have a feckin' clue. I mean, in any normal circumstances I would say that this week had been an insane week. That I'm ridiculously happy. But then there's the ultimate crapness and confusion that is my life that lurks at the back of my mind all day and then BAM it suddenly jumps right to the forefront of my mind when I least expect it; when I really don't need it; when otherwise my day would have been amazing. UGH!

So, what HAVE I done this week you ask? well, we broke up from college on Tuesday and it's finally summer.

We broke up from college. I had my first driving lesson in almost 2 months and then went into town and went to watch Toy Story 3 (which was AMAZING!!) Then me, Anna and Frankie went back to Frankie's and just played Little Big Planet and COD for a while.

I slept in for what seems like the first time in months, lazed around not really doing much all day then headed over to Lucy's for a movie night. We played guitar hero for a while, then ordered takeaway (pizza & chinese..omnomnom) Later, we all sat down to watch Homecoming [Don't EVER watch that film, it's the worst horror film in the world. Only two bits in the entire movie creeped me out. Firstly, when the girl's Achilles tendons got cut & secondly the very end when this girl who you think is dead opens her eyes..but yeah, overall. NOT SCARY OR RECOMMENDED] After watching that film, everyone decided it was time for bed, except nobody was really that tired. It got to 2am and neither me or Dan were remotely tired so we decided it would be an amazing plan to play Guitar Hero until about 4am. Yeah, we're cool.

Got up late-ish (seeing as how I'd only gone to bed at 4am) and headed into Southampton with Lucy to meet Rosie and do some SERIOUS costume shopping. I have decided Just For Fun is my new place to head when I'm in need of some cheering up, I don't think I've laughed that much recently; it was insane amounts of fun. We tried on ridiculous numbers of costumes:
  • Crab
  • Lobster
  • Teletubbies
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
  • Woody
  • Buzz Lightyear
  • Superwoman
  • Bill & Ben the flowerpot men
  • Bugs Bunny
  • Pink Panther
  • Captain Jack Sparrow
  • Abba
  • Indian Squaw
In the end, me and Rosie decided to be Donatello and Leonardo of TMNT but Just For Fun costumes were ridiculously expensive and only to rent so we decided to create our own costumes, bought some masks and headed to Primarni on the hunt for green leggings and tops. Then to Early Learning Centre for face paint and to John Lewis for fabric paints. Lucy decided to go as an "army person" (she later regretted this decision and wished she had joined us in our ninja turtle-ness) We headed home laden with bags full of costumes, cupcakes and a giant birthday card for Immy.

Got up. Had a shower. Watched How I Met Your Mother. Set to work on making mine & Rosie's shells for the party. We cut up old boxes and stuck them together with tape; covered them in green paper and painted brown lines on to make it look like a shell. We wrote 'Ninja Turtle' on the front of our t-shirts and our outfits were completed with hi-top converses and the masks. (we don't have any pictures AND we lost our shells at the party. SADFACE) The party was amazing, and everybody's costumes were insane. Got home at midnight, cleaned up a rather drunk Lucy and jumped into bed to watch Toy Story with Rosie - I promptly fell asleep.

Got up EARLY and headed off to Surrey Uni for the open day. Pretty much decided I want to do Physics now. (I'm a nerd, I know. idc) Surrey Uni was pretty cool. The accomodation was NICE, especially the newer stuff. Is it bad that I still don't have any idea what I want to do after uni? I mean, most people don't, right? Infact, it's probably more unusual to actually know what you want to do. Idk, life's confusing. ANYWAY, drove home from Surrey, played a bit of COD with Mike and Ollie then between us we were given the job of cooking dinner so me and Mike headed up to Sainsbury's and grabbed some GIANT potatoes for our favourite meal in the world: Sausage & Mash. omnomnom! So, we had sausage & mountains of mash (Ollie had oven chips because he's megalame and doesn't like mash) for dinner and cooked some fairy cakes then decorated them with icing and smarties and sprinkles. I ♥ BAKING! Then we sat down and watched Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince but sadly not in Blu-ray because the PS3 decided to be lame and not work with the main television. The parents went to bed and me, Mike and Ollie stayed up to watch O (it's a really weird modern-day remake of Othello in which pretty much everybody dies when only two people were intended to..WEEEEEIRD) We then watched Ninja Warrior and Mike and Ollie decided to watch 1000 ways to die - it sounded gross so I went to bed; apparently this was a wise choice. Mike dreamt of being chased by Zombies and Ollie couldn't sleep because he was thinking about death.

Woke up late. Had breakfast. Tidied my room. Watched Toy Story. Did some driving theory practice and now I'm writing this. Hannah's coming over this evening for a bit, should be good.

Monday: driving theory in the afternoon.
Tuesday: Gunwharf with Mike and Hannah, I think Hannah might be staying over.
Wednesday: nada as yet.
Thursday: driving lesson in the afternoon.
Friday: holidaaaaaay with the fam and Hannah! :D two weeks in Little Haven, one week in Spain. I'm actually quite excited now.

Sooo yeah, I want to go away to escape the confusing and complicated mess that my life seems to be spiralling into. But, do I really want to go away for three whole weeks? I'm not really sure. I don't want to not see some people for three weeks; let alone the people that aren't here when I get back, that I won't see for even more time than that. And, if I'm brutally honest, however much I want to leave the confusion behind I can't help but be scared of what I might find when I get home in three weeks. Idk, we'll see. maybe time away from here will be good for me. who knows? I guess only time will tell..

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

I've been waiting 11 years for this film and it was better than everything I expected.




so, I shall leave you with the awesomeness that is Spanish Buzz and you should go see the film!!

Thursday, 15 July 2010

There's Something In The Air..

Basically, I saw ridiculous numbers of strange things occurring in and around Winchester today..

  1. There was (and this is the only way I can think to describe them) dune buggy-type cars driving along City Road towards the station they then did a U-turn and joined the queue of traffic heading back into town.
  2. People (drivers) with a massive lack of common sense. Driving down Romsey Road into town and a guy looks, sees us coming down the hill towards him but proceeds to pull out across the road - Mike points out that was the 3rd time it had happened to him in a day. Clever people, are Winchester folk.
  3. Old woman driving along the bottom part of the high street (HMV, Superdrug etc..) being followed by a police car because she clearly wasn't meant to be there. She literally drove along the road at snails pace as if it was a road but it was clearly a pedestrian area and she was clearly not a pedestrian area. The police car following her made it even funnier.
  4. Some of the most ridiculous parking ever. Somehow, to this woman, parking diagonally into the parking space then abandoning the car while she went into Winch for an hour or so seemed like a very good plan. It definitely wasn't. (I wish I'd taken a picture now)
  5. Driving past the library there was a guy cleaning windows. That's a perfectly normal task I hear you say. Normally I would agree with you except for the fact that this guy was cleaning a 3rd or 4th floor window. and was stood on the street below.. He basically had a really long mop/squeegy thing that was attached to a hose or something that reached from the floor to the top window. It's incredible what can amaze two seventeen year olds really..
  6. Large groups of French and/or Spanish people invading. But, y'know..it's Winchester so what's new? :P
  7. You know the massive square pillars in car parks? yeah, those ones.. Well we were driving past a car park today and there was this guy stood behind one of them just peering round the corner of the pillar at the traffic - strange behaviour.
  8. Weather that has ridiculous mood swings: one minute it's chucking it down, the next it's as sunny as if it was the middle of July...oh, wait...awkwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard. :|
  9. Weird loudspeaker at Tesco's telling somebody getting petrol to close their car door. I was genuinely like "Where the FECK is that sound coming from!?"
  10. [this wasn't technically today but whatever..] The bridge on Andover road just opened up again, but only one side so far is allowing cars along it. There are supposedly temporary traffic lights to tell people when to go but for some reason people chose to ignore this and therefore resulted in cars driving on the pavement in places in order to pass cars coming the other way.
  11. Crazy lady in Buddy's. Basically, went to Buddy's for lunch with Mike, Hannah and Rosie and as soon as me and Mike sat down she came over and started asking us various random and VERY strange questions, for example:
  • Where do you get all your money? From your parents?
  • What are you going to order?
  • Why are you here?

Sooooooo basically, I think there's something in the water/air that is making everybody in Winchester go crazy. hrmmm..interesting.

Monday, 12 July 2010


I freakin' LOVE driving and I genuinely cannot wait to pass my test and be able to just drive without my mum sat next to me. :) theory's booked for 26th so all I need is for my driving instructor to actually reply to my texts so I can have another lesson - I haven't had one in 4 weeks!! D:

Monday, 5 July 2010

Mutual Weird.

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
I don't even know where this quote is from but i think its sortof awesome. :)